better and better

Life just gets better and better...who knew there was life after divorce...well I sure did'nt. I thought he was going to be the man in my life forever...but I guess now he will be the ex-man in my ex-friends life until he decides he don't want her any more either.

But as far as my life goes...I have started dating and am beginning to feel like a woman again. Not just some assholes wife. I never knew that normal people will talk to you and tell you the truth...who knew.

Gotta go...getting buzzed by another guy...life just gets better and better.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Well its just a few more days until the big 43...and I have not been this excited about a birthday in such a long time. I can't wait until my party!!!

See you at the Piano Bar!!!

My kids hate me

I spent the better part of my life trying to raise my five kids...and apparently all I did was screw them up. I have things thrown in my face daily about how horrible I was to them. Some will barely even talk to me. I wonder why it is I feel so much love for them, and they so much anger towards me. I tried my best...didn't I?

How could I have been so horrible to them...what is it that I could do different? I don't know...I spend most of my days running around trying to prove that I am a good person because they all think I'm an awful bitch.

What did I do? What did I do right? What did I do wrong? How can I make it right?

I have to forgive myself until they can learn too...I am a good person, I did try to do right by them. I love them so much...and am trying to love myself.

I love color, and love to use it, wear it, see it. I love spring for all the color it puts back into the world. It makes me more than tired to see the gray of winter one more day. Life is good today, nice and warm and colorful.

I am so grateful for my kids, job, monday night group, and friends...lots and lots of friends. How else could I find anything wonderful about this past year of my life with or without color. It is funny how the almighty decides to add the color and how that makes me smile. Today after a few hiccups at work, I was seated next to an interesting person at the hair zone...he mentioned a few aspects of his life that made me realize that although my life in the last year has been way too colorful...it can always be worse. I also was so blessed today to spend a few hours with 4 of my 5 colorful kids...and the love and happiness I feel when in the same room with them is always like spring again.

I won't say anything condescending like everyone should be happy...but I am grateful for those moments when I can feel and see and hear that life just aint that bad...in fact it's downright awesome...no matter the colors!!!